According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
