i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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