i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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