I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
