my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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