That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
