So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
