you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
