doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
