We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
