is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
