if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize