Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
