which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
