it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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