I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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