if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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