and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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