i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
