Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
