i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
