Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
