Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize