Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I cockslap morals
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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