2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this boner is exhausting
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize