I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
