our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
