It's Friday. Sex?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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