What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
