I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Duck Duck Cougar?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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