You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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