I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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