its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
