So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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