our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
