Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
