There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize