You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
