I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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