Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize