You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize