I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
