Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
