Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
