They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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