I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
