One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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