Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
