I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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