normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
