You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
