I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
