Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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