He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
