Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
