Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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