6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Randomize
