I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
