Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
