I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Terrible idea I love it
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
