i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
