I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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