I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
