Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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