Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
