So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
is it fun? or sober?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
