I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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