you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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