Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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