This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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