so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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