Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize