The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
