Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize