And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
