Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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