my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize