you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The Olympian is in my bed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
