The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
