I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
