i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
