PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
