i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
