I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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