I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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