FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
