one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
