Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
