I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
