just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
