Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
