I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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