My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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