he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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